Relationships of all kinds can bring joy, comfort and meaning, but they can also bring frustration, disappointment and doubt.
When things feel uncertain, it is natural to wonder if staying connected is the right choice. There are two principles which help provide a clear path: taking responsibility and honest self-evaluation.
Taking responsibility means looking closely at what you bring to the relationship.
It is tempting to point to the other person’s faults, to list the ways they fall short or fail to meet your expectations. Lasting relationships are not built on blame, they grow when each person owns their choices and behaviour.
This does not mean excusing poor treatment or carrying all the weight yourself. It means recognising that you have influence over how you show up, how you respond and how you communicate your needs.
If you want kindness, are you offering it? If you want openness, are you willing to be open? Responsibility begins with what you can control, not what you cannot.
The second principle is self-evaluation.
It is easy to measure a relationship only by what you receive, but the deeper question is whether you are living in line with your values. Ask yourself: Am I acting with integrity in this relationship? Do I feel proud of how I treat the other person? Am I honest about my feelings, or am I hiding resentment?
Self-evaluation shifts the focus from criticising the other person to reflecting on your own choices. A relationship is far more likely to thrive when both people are willing to look inward rather than outward.
Together, responsibility and self-evaluation give direction. When you practice them, you gain clarity about what is working and what is not. For example, if you take responsibility and act with care but find that the other person consistently dismisses you, your evaluation may reveal a pattern that may not change. In that case, the relationship may not be right for you. On the other hand, if you notice you withdraw or criticise instead of expressing your real needs, you may be missing opportunities to repair and strengthen the connection.
A relationship is worth keeping when you can see growth, respect and the possibility of mutual support. It is perhaps worth letting go when the balance tips so far that it becomes one sided and your self-evaluation shows that you are not meeting your needs in the process.
The decision is not about perfection, because no relationship is perfect. It is about whether the struggle leads to deeper understanding or to repeated pain without resolution.
You cannot make another person change, but you can take responsibility for your part in the relationship, and you can evaluate whether the relationship is supporting you to be the person you want to be.
Even if the relationship is rocky now, it will get better if both parties follow these two principles.
